Not a Bear Hunt

[bulldog]

A bear hunt not. Well, guys, here I am again live on my I-pod. If you look where I?m pointing it you?ll see that bear ripping up the buffalo. You know bears are scavangers and these North Dakota griz bears are really good at it. This was a coyote kill buff ? downed by a pack of 20 mean ones led by ?Ol Holler. He?s the meanest coy in these parts ? Parts, ha, ha, - he?s part Rott, part Aussie shepard, part coy,and all wild. Nobody? ever seen him as he?s a night hunter and he and his pack of all female followers includes some wild dogs rejected by human society. These fellas and gals are the scourge and terror of the bluffs ? and the buffs. Though he?s at least 300yds off, I?ve got my trusty 50-90 Business model but I?ve different business today. Besides, what does a lone feller on foot do with a 2000lb griz if he does shoot it down in this royollo? Being ?35 he?ll be a hunk of frozen bear real quick ? then ya got to wait till spring and get a tow truck anyways. Besides, the griz keep the rabbits down hereabouts. As you know, these are winter bears hereabouts ? maybe an ancient cross of brown and polar, I don?t know, but they sleep summers and out in the fall ? hang around the burning coal seams and waller in the hot springs and get fat. 2000lbs is a small average, I?d say? Ya don?t need a license either ? just land owner permission ? easily obtained. Just ask. This is a pimitive area and even the State Game don?t bother to come near these parts. Ha, those guys are so fat and lazy they won?t walk across the street without a 4x4 and up here it?s all on foot squeezing between 4 ft high boulders and along 9 inch wide cuts in the cliffs and such. I suppose with helecopters and those hovering stealth jets we?ll get put in a Fish aand Game computer one of these days and have to pay a tax to shoot even the rabbits sos the State Game guys can buy fancy coffee for their offices and tv?s for their Humvees which no doubt they are thumping for. Bet they?ll want body armor too. Yep, saw one of them stealths a few weeks ago. Just sat there in the sky looking black. I swear it then went in reverse and just backed up a bit, then whiz ? looked like an arrow and disappeareed. Not bad for 2 billion a pop. Or should I say a poop, ha, ha. My neighbor Jimmy who was some spook but quit to raise his moms hogs as being more moral says they are made out of plastic like those new bath-tubs, and they fall apart in 7 years. He says they are poop. Uses a different word Sort of like new cars. That way Boeing-Lockheed-Martin-Yukos- Ching gets to make new ones all the time. He also says the Navy is trying to figure out what they can use them for. Believe it or not, they are Navy planes cause the Army already had theirs and so did the AF. Don?t ask me why. Hey, I just heard the President was elected by only 28% of the people. The runner up ? what?s his name? ? by 27%. I was just wondering. If ya had a gun club and there was a vote, and 28% voted for a guy, would this be a democracy? What about if the guy started spending the treasury for what he wanted? Lets say you had 6000 in the treasury and he decided all the club officers he liked should get a new gun and so he bought them one with club money. Would the members think this was a democracy? Just wondering. Anyway, I got work to do. We all fanned out hunting for this laser that Jimmy saw. Said he saw it came streaming down from a sattelite. He called all the neighbors and so that?s why Im here. Haven?t seen much so far. Anyway, now it?s half clouds. Also almost daylight. That?s why you can?t see the bear. Guess I better not get any closer anyway. Just to let you guys know. I?ll keep you up to date, ?cause I think I?m heading back and turning in. Maybe I shouldn't even put anything iffin I didn't shot anything. If so, I apologize. Got a long walk back.
Signing out from approx 20 mi E of the border and 4 mi S of the river.

[The Montanan]

Nice story on the phantom bear:

White or Grey Bear (Grizzly Bear)
The expedition first encountered the white bear near the mouth of the Heart River south of Bismarck. Early reports by Lewis and Clark were marked by astonishment at the size of these animals as well as a bit of bravado. They apparently put too much faith in their flintlock rifles.
After members of the party had been charged by several wounded bears that required up to 10 rifle balls to kill, Lewis finally admitted "...I must confess that I do not like the gentlemen and had reather fight two Indians than one bear."

Grizzly bear were apparently found throughout the state, particularly in the forested bottoms along the major rivers, with bear numbers apparently highest in the western third of the state. Their decline seems to have started after 1850 when better large bore rifles became more common. By 1880 the grizzly was a rare sight. The last documented reports of this animal date from 1889 when tracks and other sign were found along the Little Missouri River.